It Always Works in the Fanfics
by Luimenel
Summary: This is a story about me and my friend, Anna, going to Middle Earth (yes, I know how original) She thinks it is funny even if lots of the jokes are inside jokes. Pg for a bit of swearing. R&R please
1. Vortexes, Magic Backpacks and Hot Elf Gu...

It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
By: Luimenel  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Middle Earth or anything else mentioned in the Fic besides me. Anna owns herself and she gave me permission to use her in this Fic. I think that about covers everything so now on with the show...er fic.  
  
It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
OhmygodthatwassuchagoodmovieandTheTwoTowersisgonnabesooooocoolIcan'tbelieve  
wehavetowaituntilChristmas! Audrey paused to inhale, Legolasisgoingtobeso  
incrediblyhotinthenextmovieIwishitwasChristmastheentslooksocoolandEowynand  
Farimirandthatpyromaniacguy,Iforgethisname,wowIcan'twaitandthenIcangetanother  
soda!yaysodasodasoda!   
  
Anna just watched her friend hop around in circles and tried to pretend she didn't know why the hell the was talking to her.   
  
Audrey, people are looking at you strangely, you know.   
  
Of course, people would have been looking at Audrey strangely even if she hadn't been hyped up on caffeine and jumping circles around her best friend. She had brown hair that was pulled back from her face in a pony tail, but that wasn't what most people were looking at. Her ears had small pieces of tape around the tips so they would come to points so, as Audrey had tried to explain so many times to her friends, she would look more elfish.  
  
Audrey stopped hopping, the caffeine finally beginning to wear off, You know, we should go to Middle Earth.  
  
Anna just stared at her friend as if she had just suggested a trip to the moon.  
  
Middle Earth? Anna asked a bit pessimistically, Us, go to Middle Earth?  
  
Darn you and your not listening! Yes, us go to Middle Earth. Audrey said a bit exasperated with her friend's inability to grasp such a simple concept, We just have to find one of the vortex thingies that are constantly opening all over the place in fanfics.  
  
said Anna, So, all we have to do is just find one of these thingies, go through it, and we will be in Middle Earth?  
  
You never listen do you? Yes, all we have to do is find one, go through it and we will be in Middle Earth.  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't think that is going to happen any time soon.  
  
And why the hell not?  
  
Hmmmm, let's see. Maybe it's because Middle Earth doesn't exist?  
  
Audrey gaped at her friend, completely baffled.  
  
Anna continued, You do know it's all just a story right? It is just a really cool idea that J.R Tolkien came up with?  
  
Audrey started very slowly as if she were talking to a very small child, First of all, no, it is not just a story. It is real and I will get there or die trying. And second of all, it isn't J.R Tolkien, it's J.R.R. Tolkien!  
  
Now it was Anna's turn to gape at her friend. I will bet you ten dollars you can't get us to Middle Earth.  
  
Alright, fine, it's your money. But before we go we should probably pack. Middle Earth can be awfully dangerous if you aren't prepared, what with Orcs and all.  
  
Anna decided that when Audrey was in this mood, and under the influence of far too much caffeine to be thinking straight, it was best to just humor her. Alrighty then let's go to your house, we can pack there, then go.  
  
Audrey started hopping again, and singing I'm gonna meet Legolas, lalalala.  
  
Anna just sighed and worried about her friend's sanity for the zillionth time that week.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After a long, and pokification filled car ride, Audrey and Anna got to Audrey's house and started to pack. Well, Audrey started to pack, Anna sat on the bed and watched her friend rummage through the disaster area that was her room, muttering all the while, Hmmm I'll need socks, lots of socks, and shoes, shoes would be good and maybe a brush, wouldn't want to look bad for the elves. Now where did I put my teddy bear?  
  
Without even looking Anna said, Under the covers, by the bed.  
  
Thank you. came Audrey's muffled reply from under the covers of the bed. Why there's my other slipper. Ha, I knew I would reclaim it from the pile monster. Death to pile monsters!  
  
Audrey continued to pack and Anna just looked at her friend and watched as about ten gazillion things flew into her backpack but all magically seemed to fit. Audrey, how come you have put all kinds of junk into your backpack but it hasn't overflowed?  
  
Author's license  
  
  
  
Have you seen my calculator?  
  
On the desk under the papers.  
  
Thank you. How about a pencil?  
  
In the pencil jar, or if you want a sharpened one you are standing on it.  
  
Splendid now I just need my...  
  
On the bed.  
  
How did you know what I was going to say?  
  
Secondary character's license.  
  
  
  
Audrey was now trying to extract a snorkel and flippers from the closet, Vile beast of the closet release this snorkel or suffer my wrath! Eeeek! Audrey had managed to detach the snorkel gear and, with the extra momentum from the , she also managed to fly across the room. After hitting the wall she looked dazed for a few seconds, then jumped right back up and began to hunt for some more stuff. Into the backpack went last year's Halloween candy, a pair of binoculars, a duck (what?!?!?!?!), a picture of her old guinea pig, Nicky, one toe sock, a book of Garfield cartoons and a box of Jell-O mix.(whew, that's a mouthful)  
  
After surveying the disaster area that had once been her room, Audrey picked up the backpack, turned to Anna, said, Well, we're packed, let's go., and galumphed out the door. Anna sighed and took off after her friend with a muttered, under her breath.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After much walking, and singing of annoying songs by Audrey, the two girls reached a rather run-down park.   
  
Audrey stopped, held out her arms and said, This is it!  
  
Anna looked unimpressed. This is what?  
  
Audrey looked completely exasperated with her friend who seemed extremely slow on the uptake. This is where the entrance to Middle Earth is. Audrey said, running out of patience, Now I only know the vortex is in this park somewhere, the park isn't very big so we shouldn't have to look for very long.  
  
Audrey took off, covering every inch of the park so she wouldn't miss a thing. Anna started strolling along but then got tired of it so she sat down on a bench and started wondering if Audrey was going to give up in time to make it back for dinner.  
  
She was just about to ask whether it was really necessary for her to be there when, Ah ha! yelled Audrey, sounding downright euphoric, I knew I'd find it!.  
  
Anna followed her friend's voice until she found Audrey standing on top of the monkey bars and still managing to hop up and down without falling.   
  
Get up here and hurry. This vortex won't be open forever, Audrey called down to Anna.   
  
Anna replied to this by saying, Where exactly is this vortex you keep speaking of?  
  
About six feet directly in front of me, we are going to have to jump.  
  
You're kidding right? Anna said.  
  
Nope, but if you're scared I'll go first, following which, Audrey crouched down and then leaped. Anna didn't exactly see what happened because there was a really bright light and when she looked back Audrey was gone.  
  
Anna said, now getting a little worried, Where did you go? After about five minutes of waiting for Audrey to pop out of the bushes and say, Haha got you, Anna realized she might be able to see the whole park if she climbed up to the monkey bars, then maybe she could see where Audrey had run off to. She got up to the top and looked around. She could see the whole park, but no sign of Audrey. Audrey, come on, this isn't funny! Anna shouted, now extremely worried. She thought she saw someone on the other side of the park so she stood up to get a better view.   
  
Just FYI, Anna has this funny habit of falling over for no reason every now and then which is usually a good thing to keep in mind when you are standing on top of some rickety monkey bars. As Anna, once again, began to lose the battle with gravity she remembered the vortex. Well, I either fall and break my neck or I fall through a vortex to Middle earth or break my neck. Gathering her strength and remaining balance she jumped.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Anna? Anna? Get up your going to miss swim practice! At this Anna sat bolt upright and jumped up to get dressed. Unfortunately, she wasn't in her room and she wasn't in a bed. She was lying on the ground in a forest with Audrey leaning over her with a grin that could have melted the ice caps. I knew that would get you up. I think you owe me money, said Audrey snickering.   
  
Wow this is one realistic dream. she mumbled looking at the trees.  
  
It isn't a dream, said Audrey. And just to prove her point she walked over and pinched Anna, hard, on the arm.  
  
Of course Anna's response to this was Ouch! Why did you pinch me? It hurt!  
  
Audrey just looked at her very evenly and asked, Does one feel pain in a dream?  
  
Anna looked like someone had just smacked her upside the head with a two-by-four, You mean, WE'RE IN FREAKING MIDDLE EARTH?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! Anna paused for breath and noticed that she and Audrey were not the only ones here. She said to the tall blond man covering his ears, And who might you be?   
  
I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, fair maiden.  
  
Anna just mouthed a silent and would have fainted right there if she hadn't preferred greasy old men that hadn't bathed recently(Aragorn).  
  
Audrey just beamed like there was no tomorrow. Oh, yeah, look what I found. If at all possible, Audrey was grinning even more than she had in the beginning, I landed on top of him when I fell through the vortex and he promised to take us to Rivendell with him. Isn't that great?  
  
Anna opened her mouth as if she was about to say something then closed it again. After a few tries she managed to put quite a few things that were on her mind into words.   
  
HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?!?! WE ARE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT?!?!?! Anna yelled. Legolas covered his ears and Audrey winced,   
  
Not so loud! Audrey hissed, You are hurting Legolas' ears.  
  
Anna thought she heard a muttered, As well as attracting every monster within a three mile radius of here, from the elf prince but was a bit preoccupied hyperventilating at the moment to come up with a witty retort.  
  
Audrey, noticing that blue was not her best friend's color, tried to get Anna to calm down. Anna if you don't exhale soon you are going to pass out. So sympathy was never her strong point, big deal.  
  
Come on get up we have to get a move on if we want to make it in time for the council. Audrey paused for a moment, then continued, Aragorn will be there.  
  
Anna perked up at the mention of Aragorn, her hyperventilation forgotten, Could I, like, actually talk to him?   
  
Audrey nodded and Anna jumped up, saying Well then what are we waiting for? We don't have all day come on! Let's go! Move along people. Because of Anna's current lack of oxygen and talent of falling down for no reason she almost fell right back down on her butt.  
  
Careful, Lady Legolas said as he reached out an arm to steady Anna.  
  
Audrey scowled jealously and mouthed, My elf, hands off. Anna rolled her eyes.  
  
Legolas hopped up onto his horse and started riding, slowly of course, while Anna and Audrey followed behind wondering what havoc they could wreak once they finally got to Rivendell.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
What do you mean, three weeks? Audrey yelled at the elf, I don't have time for this, I have a term paper due tomorrow!   
  
Audrey had been walking quietly for quite some time when she asked Legolas whether they were going to make it to Rivendell in time for lunch, as she was getting hungry. Legolas had explained that they would not be reaching Rivendell for a long while yet seeing as they were still in Mirkwood and they still had the Misty Mountains to cross.  
  
Audrey sat down next to her backpack and started to rummage through it, Paper weight, scented candle, socks, more socks, light bulb, telephone, Ah ha! Here it is. And with that Audrey sat down cross-legged with a book on her lap titled The Atlas of Middle Earth and started frantically flipping pages. Mirkwood, Mirkwood, page 80. Ha there is Mirkwood, we are probably somewhere in here, those are the Misty Mountains and there is Rivendell. She pulled a ruler out of her backpack and measured the distance between the two points. Ok 15 centimeters, one centimeter equals ten miles that means it is a hundred and fifty miles from here to Rivendell. Audrey looked pleased with herself until she realized what she had just said.  
  
A hundred and fifty (expletive deleted) miles? That can't be right! There is no way I am walking a hundred and fifty miles, no way in hell.  
  
As Audrey continued to mutter Legolas leaned down from his seat on his horse and whispered to Anna, Is she always like this?  
  
Anna just looked at Audrey grumbling to herself, turned to Legolas and replied Oh no, she's normally much worse, especially when she's embarrassed about something. Hmmm, whatever could I say to embarrass Audrey? Hmmm, now that is one tough question. I have it! I can tell you all about her obs- Anna didn't get to continue this train of thought because Audrey the human bullet had launched herself at her best friend and was now sitting on her stomach staring her straight in the face. If looks could kill the one on Audrey's face at that minute could have wiped out the entire furry woodland creature population in all of Mirkwood and Imladris combined.  
  
Audrey decided she had glared enough and moved on to a verbal reprimand stressing every word by shaking Anna by the shoulders, YOU(shake) WILL(shake) NOT(shake) TELL(shake) HIM(shake) ANYTHING(shake) UNDERSTAND?(glare)  
  
Anna had clamped a hand over her own mouth to keep from laughing at the expression on Audrey's face, so she just nodded, concealed mirth held in her eyes.  
  
Audrey, convinced that her friend had been temporarily silenced, went back to her first concern, the extremely long walk they had ahead of them, I am not walking a hundred and fifty miles.  
  
I am terribly sorry you feel that way, Lady, said Legolas, but as you have no other way of getting to Rivendell besides your own feet I believe you had better get used to the situation.  
  
I have an idea, piped up Anna, Why doesn't Audrey ride with you?  
  
Legolas looked at Audrey, who was looking like she had been smacked upside the head with a two by four and she liked it, fidgeted a bit, sighed and said, Very well, as long as you promise to remain silent.  
  
Audrey was in no place to reply currently, her eyes had glazed over and she had gotten that look that she seemed to get whenever she imagined anything to do with close contact with Legolas, in her opinion, the hottest elf, ever, in the world, ever. Anna knew the signs that said Audrey was spaced out and would probably not fully responsive to anything for at least five minutes.  
  
Legolas looked worried, Is she alright?  
  
Anna suppressed the urge to laugh and said, She will be in a bit. She is just fantasizing about- Audrey the human missile strikes again. This time was much the same as the last except that now she sounded really pissed off and the look on her face would have killed every single furry woodland creature on the face of the earth(or Middle Earth, as the case may be).   
  
YOU(poke, shake) DID(poke, shake) NOT(poke, shake) LISTEN(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) ME(poke, shake) WHEN(poke, shake) I(poke, shake) EXPLAINED(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) YOU(poke, shake) WHAT(poke, shake) YOU(poke, shake) WOULD(poke, shake) NOT(poke, shake) SAY(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) HIM(poke, shake, glare)! This time every word was not only accompanied by a shake of the shoulders but also a poke in the side, where Anna was most ticklish. Needless to say, Anna had been warned.  
  
Audrey stood up, brushing herself off, and then walked over to where Legolas sat on his horse, watching the fight with amazement. I get to ride with you, right?  
  
Legolas reached a hand down to help Audrey up in resignation, Yes, lady, as you seem so opposed to walking normally.  
  
Audrey grabbed his hand and pulled herself up behind Legolas on his horse, You will have to hold on to my waist, lady, or you will fall off, he said turning part way around.  
  
This was too much for the fangirl in Audrey. Anna saw what was coming and said to the elf prince, You might want to cover your ears.  
  
Audrey shrieked in her very best and highest pitched fangirl squeal.  
  
The elf prince cracked open an eye from the grimace of pain on his face, and whispered to Anna, Is she done yet?  
  
Anna nodded and the prince uncovered his ears, Very well, let us continue we have many miles to cover before the sun sets. Then, because Audrey didn't seem to be in a state of listening, he reached behind him, grabbed her arms and made Audrey hold on to his waist. He clicked his tongue to make his horse start to move and Anna walked a little bit behind. They were off to Rivendell.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Twilight was falling on the forest of Mirkwood and three weary travelers stopped to make camp for the night. Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood,(and hottest elf ever) got down off of his horse and began to unpack. Audrey, who had been riding behind Legolas awoke from her daze and said, Wow, how long was I out?  
  
Anna, Audrey's best friend, replied, About four hours, I'd say. Then, Anna paused and asked, Do you think I could ride tomorrow? Walking too much hurts my knees.  
  
Legolas looked up from the fire he was starting, glad that he wouldn't have to ride with a rabid fangirl the next day, Very well, lady, it seems only fair as your companion rode all of today.  
  
Audrey was doing an incredible impression of a dying fish, she kept opening her mouth and then closing it very quickly like she couldn't get enough air. But, finally, she saved up enough breath for a, at the top of her lungs. Then Audrey jumped off of the horse and opened her backpack, panicking that she might lose elf. She rummaged through the backpack, Hmm where did I put it? Hmm, potted plant, copy of The Hobbit, plastic dinosaur... Audrey continued rummaging until she finally found what she was looking for, Anna, help me pull this out, it's big. Anna went over to help her friend, mystified as to what was so big it wouldn't come out of the backpack.   
  
Audrey pulled on whatever it was and Anna pulled on Audrey, after about a minute of tugging the thing popped out of the backpack and bowled the two of them over. Audrey was the first to recover so she jumped up, Here, you don't need to ride with Legolas because you have this! She said gesturing towards the bicycle she had managed to stow in and take out of her backpack, must be that author's license again.  
  
Anna jumped up when she saw the bike and started muttering things about air pressure and sprockets and whirlygiggers and stuff. Audrey beamed, very proud that she had kept Legolas all to herself. Looks like Anna is set so I get to ride with you again! She said to elf.  
  
said Audrey's stomach. Audrey looked down at her tummy and said, What's that, belly? You're hungry? Ok I will see what I can do. Then, turning to Legolas Belly is hungry. He wants to eat something. What's for dinner?  
  
I only have enough rations for one person. said Legolas, I hope you have packed something for the two of you to eat.  
  
Audrey looked at Anna and yelled,   
  
You packed some? asked Anna, overjoyed that they would be able to have their favorite meal.  
  
said Audrey, smugly getting out the cans and tossing one to Anna, Always be prepared, you know.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I am not sure if that was a good place to end for right now or not but that's where it's gonna end because I don't feel like typing anymore tonight.   
  
I hope you liked it and will convey that likeage by hitting the little button down there in the corner. Yes, the little one that says submit a review. Please review! Reviews boost my morale and make me feel apreciated. Flame if you must but know that flames will only be used to burn the other flames.(will that work?)


	2. Sleeping, Waking Up and Skipping a Few W...

It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
By: Luimenel  
  
Authors note: I am sorry if I offended any Aragorn fans out there with the greasy old man comment but it is a running argument between me and Anna so I thought I should include it.   
  
A gazillion thanks to all of my reviewers: Minnie-chan, Pandora and Saxophoneserpent for being encouraging. You all get spirit points.  
  
If you absolutely hate this story tell it to my muse, Charlie. It is his fault.  
  
Oh yes, before I forget, has anyone noticed the similarity between the word fanfic and fanatic? Hmmm, interesting. Now that I am done rambling, on to the disclaimer.  
  
Disclaimer: Fine! It isn't mine. There! Are you happy now? Because I'm not.  
  
Sleeping, Waking Up and Skipping a Few Weeks  
  
The rest of the night was rather uneventful. Audrey and Anna ate their Spaghettios, with forks and spoons that Audrey pulled from her backpack, and Legolas ate his travel food. After staring at the fire for a while, Audrey said, TV is much better, this is just so boring. I think I will go to bed now. Following which she walked over to her backpack and pulled out a full mattress, complete with sheets and a pillow, and also managed to pull out a backpacking pad and a sleeping bag for Anna. The two of them got comfy in their beds and Legolas set up his bedroll on the opposite side of camp.   
  
Audrey made herself feel more at home by pulling a nightstand, a nightlight, a CD player/alarm clock and her teddy bear out of her backpack and setting them in various positions around her bed.  
  
Legolas and Anna seemed to find sleep easily but Audrey didn't like sleeping out in the forest, it was too quiet. Without the car noise she was used to she just couldn't sleep. She tried counting elves, counting dwarves, counting orcs, reciting the alphabet backwards, and singing annoying songs that get on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. But, it was no use, she just couldn't sleep.   
  
Finally she put her favorite CD, The Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack, into the CD player and put it on track 2, Concerning Hobbits. Unfortunately Audrey had forgotten that the last time she had used her CD player was to try to drown out her sister's awful singing, so the volume was up pretty high. All right, pretty high was a bit of an understatement, the maximum volume on the CD player was 10 and it was on 9. (For all of you mentally challenged people out there, that means that it was really loud.) Now, elves have a heightened sense of hearing, are rather high-strung, and also don't sleep very deeply, so when Legolas was jarred out of his rest by the blaring of happy shirish music his first impulse was to fight and protect the girls. (how gentlemanly, *sigh*) He leaped to his feet and before the third note resonated from Audrey's CD player there were two elven arrows buried in it.  
  
Legolas! Why did you do that? I only packed one CD player and now you killed it. Audrey yelled, a bit peeved that she couldn't listen to her music.  
  
Legolas looked a bit flummoxed, I awoke when that sound started and was afraid it was something that meant you harm. I am sorry I killed something you were fond of.  
  
He genuinely looked sorry, so Audrey took pity on the poor elf. It's ok, you didn't really kill it, it was never really alive, I just characterize everything I own. It's ok, really...Wait a minute! You were afraid something was going to hurt me and so you were trying to protect me?  
  
Legolas nodded and said, There are many evil things in this forest that would easily make a meal of you.  
  
That is so nice! I knew you were the best guy in the fellowship! Audrey ran over to Anna who was mumbling in her sleep. Anna! Anna! Wake up! You have to finish your essay!  
  
To this Anna jumped up to get started but then remembered where she was, Oh yeah *yawn* we're still in Middle Earth. Why did you wake me up at- she looked over at Audrey's CD player, -whatever time it is? And why isn't your CD player clock working?  
  
Audrey was jumping up and down, I was right.  
  
Anna looked at Audrey, About what?  
  
I was right that Legolas is the best guy in the fellowship.  
  
Why, exactly?  
  
Because when I turned on my music really loud he thought something was going to hurt me and he shot my CD player. Let's see Aragorn do that! That is why my CD player clock isn't working. Audrey said as if this proved everything beyond a shadow of a doubt.  
  
Anna just stared and then said, You're wrong.  
  
This resulted in one of their very favorite arguments in which they both defended their favorite characters. Audrey even pulled out two copies of the trilogy for them to find quotes in. (My english teacher would be so proud, always defend things with quotes.) Legolas just watched in disbelief as one would say something requiring the other to find a quote that proved them wrong and then make their own statement. He was also awfully confused about things that they mentioned him doing that he hadn't even done yet. Oh well, he thought and went back to bed.  
  
Around three o'clock Audrey and Anna were getting pretty tired so they decided that they would call a truce and go to sleep. Audrey was now finally tired enough that she could sleep without the aid of happy shirish music and Anna passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas woke up around seven, when the sun came up and the birds started singing. Audrey and Anna were still snoozing away. He made breakfast for himself, then started packing his things onto his horse. He was just about to ask if Audrey and Anna could help him carry things when he realized they were still asleep.  
  
Legolas walked over to Audrey and bent down next to her, If you wish to travel with me any farther, I suggest you get up, now.  
  
Audrey opened one eye and mumbled, What time is it?  
  
The sun has been up for nearly an hour.  
  
Audrey groaned, Too early for decent people to be conscious.  
  
Legolas looked annoyed, then thoughtful, I will make you walk behind me instead of riding... He let the threat hang.  
  
Audrey was torn between her duties as a rabid fangirl and an obnoxious teenager who hated to wake up in the morning above all else.   
  
Legolas noted the conflict on her face, Of course, if you don't want to ride with me, I suppose you could ride the bike and Anna could ride with me.  
  
That decided her. She almost knocked Legolas over as she jumped out of bed and proceeded to pack everything back into her backpack, while munching on a blueberry muffin she had pulled out of one of her backpack's pockets.  
  
After she had packed her bed, the nightstand, the nightlight, the dead CD player,(complete with elvish arrows) and her teddy bear into the backpack Audrey went over to start packing the stuff she had loaned to Anna. Unfortunately, Anna didn't seem to be quite done with it yet.  
  
Anna you are going to have to get up, unless you want me to pack you in my backpack. Anna just continued to snore, Anna! Wake up or you won't be able to jump in a freezing cold pool before trudging off to class!  
  
Anna jumped out of bed, Would you stop doing that please?  
  
Audrey smirked, But it's just so easy.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Once camp was sufficiently broken down Audrey sat down on a log and Anna sat next to her.  
  
I can't believe it's another three weeks of this. muttered Anna.  
  
Audrey looked thoughtful then snapped her fingers and said, I've got it! She ran over to her backpack and began rummaging.   
  
Anna walked over to her friend, Audrey, what are you doing?  
  
Audrey looked up from her rummaging, We want to skip ahead in time right?  
  
Anna shrugged, I guess so.  
  
Audrey stood up, holding something in her hand, And that is where this comes in.   
  
Anna looked at the thing Audrey was holding. It looked like a squiggly line and a little star repeating in a string. What is that?  
  
Audrey looked pleased with herself, With an author's license this can be used to skip over the boring repetitive areas of a story and get right to the good parts.  
  
said Anna, That author's license certainly comes in handy. So how do you use that thing?  
  
You just put it after whatever you want to be the last thing that happens before you skip ahead.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lord Elrond was not happy. Legolas, the representative of the elves in Mirkwood, had not even shown up. Elrond worried that he had been waylaid on the road. And if that wasn't bad enough, the council was going disastrously, dwarves bickering with elves, elves bickering with humans. No one was listening to him! He had known that there would be animosity between races in his council but he had not thought it would be anything like this. First, that upstart Borimir had kept going on about how the ring was a gift to the foes of Mordor and how they should use the ring. Yes, Borimir, Elrond had wanted to say, and I bet Sauron will promote you to head slave for that. Aragorn, thankfully, had stepped in to try and knock some sense into that thick Gondorian skull of Borimir's but Borimir apparently didn't know who was addressing him. He had asked Aragorn, And what would a Ranger know of this matter? Everyone had sat still for an awfully long time waiting for someone to say something, but nothing happened. Finally Aragorn just mumbled something and sat down, looking embarrassed.   
  
Lord Elrond massaged his temples. It was going to be a very long day. Finally that little hobbit (Was it Frodo?) had stood up and offered his services to take the ring. However skeptical he was about the abilities of the halfling, Lord Elrond would have done anything to end that wretched council. Of course then everyone had volunteered to go with the hobbit to make sure he didn't screw anything up. Aragorn had said some noble junk about doing anything to protect Frodo, then offered his sword. Again, no one said anything for an awfully long time. Finally, the dwarf got up and, haltingly, offered his axe, then that obnoxious man from Gondor had said he would go, too. Then all of those other hobbits said they were going as well.   
  
Nine, I mean, eight companions. So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring Elrond said when one of his pages tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
Sir, there are some people here to see you. They say it is important.  
  
Very well, Elrond groaned, he had been looking forward to relaxing for the rest of the day, Show them to my study, I will deal with them there.  
  
As the page scurried off, Elrond began to walk to his chambers and grumbled under his breath, I hate Mondays.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ooooh! Look! there's a really hot one! Hello Elfie! Audrey was in absolute fangirl heaven, also known as Rivendell.   
  
Audrey could you try to be a little more conspicuous? Anna, Audrey's best friend said sarcastically.  
  
Audrey, of course, took this the wrong way, Hello all of you hot elf guys out there, At this Anna tried to clamp a hand over Audrey's mouth but Audrey continued, just the same. Mnph! My name is Audrey and I am single, just FYI.  
  
Legolas, the stunningly handsome, gorgeous, beautiful, perfect, majestic (Charlie: I think they get the point) Prince of Mirkwood, was trying his best to look like he had no association whatsoever with the squabbling adolescents walking beside him. He had put up with them for nearly three weeks now and it was starting to show in the twitch at the corner of his eye.  
  
Finally, the page showed them to the chamber, in which they were to wait.  
  
said Audrey, It is soooo cool here!  
  
Enter a very tired, irritated elf lord who was really not in the mood to deal with rabid fangirls at the moment. Legolas, realizing that Audrey was going to be a problem, clamped a hand over Audrey's mouth and held her at his side, trying to smile and look as if nothing was wrong.   
  
Elrond said, We had thought you were taken by something foul on your way here.  
  
said Legolas gesturing at the two girls with his free hand, In a manner of speaking, I was.  
  
Audrey ducked out of Legolas' grasp and glared at him, I resent that. Anna had moved over to her friend and dragged her over to one of the chairs where she could sit, out of the way and not hurt anything.  
  
Elrond stared at the two girls for a moment with curiosity, then continued, I fear you have missed a rather important meeting, Legolas. Elrond proceeded to summarize the council without too much personal commentary. And so, Legolas, the fellowship has been chosen but it would be best if you accompany it as a representative of our people. Then in Sindarin, and to keep those bloody mortals from mucking it up.  
  
Wait a minute. piped up Audrey, tired of sitting still, You have to take me. Anna glared, Oh yeah, her too.  
  
Or daen nin.(1) Elrond muttered.  
  
For your information, I know what that means, I speak some Sindarin.   
  
Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, raised one eyebrow at the human girl and asked, My dear, why in Eru's name should we let you go along?  
  
Anna stood up and, because she hasn't done very much in this chapter, said, Because it always works in the fanfics.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
1. Over my dead body  
  
Well tada that's chapter two! It wasn't as long as chapter one, but well, I am tired and have homework to do. I hope there are people out there that are reading this. I also hope they are enjoying it. Then I hope that after they enjoy it they will tell me they did in the form of a review. You can just say good story. Really, just prove to me that I do have an audience. It would mean a lot to me.  



	3. Author’s Licenses, Computers and Diablo ...

It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
By: Luimenel  
  
Authors note: Suilad Gwaith. I am as happy as I can be, I got 11 reviews!!!! *does a little happy/ praising the fanfiction gods dance* Eh hem thank you to all of you who reviewed, especially my friends who I bugged until they did, and the people I didn't even have to bug. Annain galuath. And Lafitafi suggestions would be quite usful in case my muse goes on strike.  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, it is completely, utterly, totally and entirely... *sees pack of advancing lawyers waving copyright law infringement suits*eep... not mine especially Minnie and Pandora. They are authors here too. You should read their stuff.  
  
Author's Licenses, Computers and Diablo II  
  
Why? Why had Elrond let those two adolescents accompany the fellowship? Legolas was not a happy elf. The two girls had been plaguing him for weeks and he didn't know how much longer he could stand it.   
  
The slightly less sane one, Audrey, had told Lord Elrond that he had to let her and her friend, Anna, accompany the fellowship on their mission...quest...thing. Elrond had absolutely refused but then Anna had spoken up and said something or other about fanfics. Legolas did not know what a fanfic was but he had hoped that Elrond would not give in to the girls. Unfortunately, Elrond had practically given up without a fight, then walked out of his office muttering curses to Mondays. Audrey and Anna had both jumped for joy and danced around singing, We're going with the fellowship! We're going with the fellowship! Legolas, afraid to be left alone with the two girls, ran after Elrond and asked, a bit rudely, why Elrond had done such a thing.   
  
Elrond had simply sighed and said, Legolas, this is a Rabid Fangirl with an author's license. There is simply nothing I can do, and continued walking to his quarters.  
  
Now Legolas was downright miserable. Although he was flattered that Audrey seemed to like him, he was a bit nervous around the two. They were much more open and _loud_ than the women he was used to. He could hear the girls , they sounded like they were arguing. His elven ears picked up something along the lines of:   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At least Legolas bathes regularly.  
  
Maybe Aragorn is too busy saving everyone's butts to bathe regularly.  
  
Oh please, be realistic. Plus, Legolas is single. At this Audrey stuck out her tongue at Anna, having thoroughly proved her point.  
  
Legolas sighed. It was going to be a very long trip.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The rest of that day's travel had gone by rather uneventfully, except for a bit of harmless dwarf-bashing from Audrey exacting a death threat from Gimli. There was also a near death experience when Anna asked Are we there yet? one to many times, causing Aragorn to pull out his sword and tell her that if she wasn't silent for the remainder of the trip he would personally see to it that she would not be able to speak because her head would be elsewhere. A death threat from her idol was enough to make Anna lower her voice to a dull roar.  
  
The fellowship had stopped for the night, and Audrey and Anna were glad of a rest from the constant walking. (Charlie: Where did Anna's bicycle go? Luimenel: Quiet Charlie. It fell down a plot hole. Charlie: Well, there certainly isn't a shortage of those around here.)   
  
Audrey and Anna sat down next to Audrey's backpack and started looking for something.  
  
I know I put it in here somewhere. said Audrey.  
  
Sam couldn't help wondering what it was they were looking for. He sat fidgeting for a moment, but then his curiosity got the better of him and he went to see what it was the girls needed to find.  
  
Excuse me, ladies, he said, What is it that you are looking for?  
  
Audrey looked up, You know, I wish I had packed my whole room. It would have made this much easier.  
  
Anna interrupted, She is looking for her computer so she can send an e-mail to some friends of hers.  
  
Sam nodded but looked completely confused.  
  
Audrey and Anna, ever the daughters of the new millennium, then had to explain all of the things from modern earth to poor little Sam, who was getting more and more confused with every minute. He just completely gave up trying to understand when they started talking about someone named and his extremely interesting life.  
  
A/N If you don't know who Ralph is and you really truly want to know, e-mail me and I can tell you the whole story.  
  
Eventually the two teenagers became so absorbed into their discussion of everyone's invisible friends that Sam was able to slip away unnoticed.  
  
Pippin walked over to where Sam was standing, What were you talking about?  
  
Someone named Ralph.  
  
Who's Ralph?  
  
You don't want to know.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Audrey had found her computer, sent her e-mails and was engrossed in a game of Diablo II. Anna was trying to convince Borimir that monsters on the screen weren't real and couldn't hurt anyone. Borimir finally acted as though he was convinced and went over to sit next to Gimli. He still kept casting nervous glances at the computer out of the corner of his eye.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Everyone was going about their business. Legolas was fletching arrows. Aragorn was sharpening Anduril and Anna was flitting about next to him asking him a gazillion questions a minute. All of the hobbits and Gandalf were watching Audrey beat the shit out of a bunch of computer generated monsters. Things were as normal as they could be with two girls from the year 2002 stuck in the fellowship when two new girls stumbled through the bushes.  
  
Minnie! Pandora! Audrey exclaimed running over to hug her friends.  
  
Suilad, Audrey said Minnie.  
  
We got your e-mail, said Pandora. We just thought we would stop by to say hello.  
  
said Audrey cheerfully.  
  
said Minnie and Pandora together.  
  
Well, we should probably be getting back. said Minnie.  
  
An author's work is never done and all that. said Pandora.  
  
Well, bye then. said Audrey.  
  
said Minnie.  
  
said Pandora.  
  
And the two new girls walked back into the woods.  
  
What was that about? asked Anna, perplexed.  
  
They wanted to be in the fic.  
  
Author's license?  
  
You bet.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
No! Pippen! The other button! No! Not that one! Audrey was just about having a heart attack, as was Pippen who was trying to learn to play Diablo II. He was not having a very good time of it. Audrey's favorite character, a level 75 sorceress, had not only lost all the experience she had gained in the last week but she was now somehow down to level 74. (Charlie: how the hell did Pippen manage that? Luimenel: He's talented, what can I say?)   
  
Oh blarg, said Pippen, he had picked up some of Audrey and Anna's vocabulary.  
  
My turn. chimed Anna after Pippen's seventh death. That was what they had decided on as the limit. Anna got behind the computer that had magically been plugged into a tree. (Charlie: What?!?!?!?! Luimenel: Quiet, Charlie.) Anna immediately switched to her own account and logged on with her amazon.   
  
YAY! Tyler's on! Anna exclaimed.  
  
Oh, god, Audrey groaned, Please spare me. No flirting in Latin or Pippen gets to use your character, ok?  
  
Anna muttered.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn just sat by the fire watching the proceedings and wondered what the hell Elrond had been smoking when he let those two accompany them. The two females were only slowing things down and they were a bit frightening. How could Legolas have survived them for three weeks? And the fact that those other two had showed up out of nowhere meant there were more out there. Aragorn shuddered and watched as Audrey tried to wrestle the controls to the the computer away from Anna who was not listening to Audrey's pleas about nausea and coughing fits.   
  
Aragorn was tired of the amount of noise they were making which was probably attracting all kinds of horrible animals. He walked over to encourage a bit more silence, looked at the computer and noticed that one of the characters had a sword just like his. He asked about it, one thing led to another, and he ended up being coached on the finer points of Diablo II by Anna, who kept scooting closer and closer too him. Audrey turned away and made gagging noises while clutching at her throat.   
  
After a while the remaining fellowship that was pointedly ignoring the computer noticed that Aragorn seemed to be enjoying the game and ended up walking over and playing too. Finally, after who knows how long, everyone came to the conclusion that at least an hour of sleep would be good. Audrey shut down the computer and everyone went off to bed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's note: Yes, it is shorter than the other chapters and yes, not very much happened but well, I kind of like it and hope you do too and will review it, conveying that likeage.   
  
Speaking of reviews, I have come up with a new idea. Here is the deal. You review my fic, preferably nice but constructive criticism will be accepted, then you tell me the name, or preferably ID number, of a fic of yours(or anyone else's) that you feel is under-appreciated and could use some reviews. Regardless of whether I know what you are talking about, I will read the fic and review it to the best of my ability. If that isn't a good reason to review I don't know what is.   
  
Oh, yes and before I forget, Anna wants to write the next chapter. Prepare for randomness.  



	4. Arguments, A Frodo Fangirl and Glimpses ...

  
It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
By: Luimenel  
  
Author's Note: Well, Anna didn't get her rear in gear fast enough so I get to write some more. (Charlie: Ai Tolkien spare us all! Luimenel: Quiet Charlie.) Thank you to all my reviewers, Lafitafi, Wicked Spring, Lirosa, Pandora and Minnie-chan along with numerous friends of mine who get spirit points. You are all very special people and Charlie agrees that you might be winning the Weedle Beetle game. Don't ask.  
  
Disclaimer: Well, if you think it belongs to me call 1-800-Gullible to receive your gullible award. Oh yes, did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary but it's written on the ceiling? Everyone who looked is pathetic. If you haven't gotten it yet from my stunning display of sarcasm, it doesn't belong to me.  
  
Arguments, A Frodo Fangirl and Glimpses of the Future  
  
Oh phnog, I think the pile monster stowed away in my backpack. Audrey was grumbling to herself while looking for something in her backpack. Damnation, where is my tape?  
  
She didn't notice that there was a rather skeptical and somewhat frightened dwarf watching her from across the campsite. Pardon me, lady, but what is it you are looking for?  
  
Audrey jumped about two feet in the air, surprised that anyone was talking to her because she had thought they were all asleep. Eeek! Don't DO that.  
  
Gimli smirked, Do what?  
  
Talk, your voice scares me. Audrey continued to rummage and Gimli looked offended. I am looking for my tape because this- she pointed to her ears-is starting to wear off and I wouldn't be caught dead with boring old round ears.  
  
Gimli looked awfully baffled, Why are round ears so detestable?  
  
Audrey sighed, it was going to be another one of *these* arguments, Because I am an elf and elves have pointy ears.  
  
Why would you want to be an elf? Dwarves are so much better.  
  
No, they aren't  
  
Yes, they are, I should know, being one.  
  
Well, I should know, having to smell a dwarf, that you really aren't all that great.  
  
How dare you insult our scent?!?!?!?!  
  
Because it really is wretched. And elves are so far above you on the plane of evolution that we are allowed to taunt you as much as we like.  
  
Gimli was becoming increasingly frustrated with the human girl and didn't know how long he could hold his temper. Elves are just stuck up pointy-eared pansies!   
  
The fellowship all sat up abruptly at Gimli's rather loud accusation and Legolas walked over to stand next to Audrey. And what, Master Gimli, is so wonderful about your species? You take from the earth and do not give back and you smell. I believe that is quite enough to prove that your species is inferior to mine.  
  
Audrey looked like she was going to melt. Legolas was on HER side of an argument. In the fangirl world that is one of the things that exacts a melting, glomping or squealing. Audrey chose to melt as it wouldn't mess up the argument that they were winning.  
  
The rest of the fellowship had set themselves up in a line so they could see the argument at it's fullest. They were a bit deprived of entertainment, so watching an argument including dwarf-bashing was too good a chance to miss.   
  
Five bucks on the dwarf to cut Audrey in half, said Aragorn.  
  
I think someone should warn Gimli about what he's getting into, said Anna, knowing Audrey was not going to take an insult to elves sitting down. And now that she had Legolas on her side there was no stopping her.   
  
You silly dwarves live in your silly dwarf holes in the ground and you probably don't have indoor plumbing, that's why you smell.   
  
Gimli couldn't take it anymore. He pulled his ax out of his scabbard and charged at Audrey who shrieked and cowered behind Legolas. Gimli was just about to decapitate both of them when he was interrupted by a shriek.  
  
AIEEEEE! Oh my god! It's Frodo! He is soooooo cute!   
  
Another girl had bolted into the clearing. She was carrying a backpack and had a hefty book under her arm with a lovely blue bookmark. She stood staring at Frodo for a brief instant and then ran over to hug him. Actually, it was more of a tackle/hug or more what is more commonly known as a glomp.  
  
Audrey stepped forward, her argument with Gimli forgotten. No! Bad Caryn. Put Frodo down.  
  
Caryn looked up from the adorable little hobbit that looked like he wasn't getting very much air. But he's soooo cute.  
  
Yes, Caryn, but you have to put him down. He is turning blue and you wouldn't want to mess up the story line by killing the main character, now would you? Audrey said soothingly.  
  
You're messing it up even worse by slowing them down and bugging the hell out of them, Caryn argued.  
  
Yes, but I have an author's license. I am allowed to do this with minimal harm to the story line because it is my fanfic and I said so.  
  
said Caryn, dropping Frodo. I can tell when I'm not wanted. I suppose I will just have to leave. She started stalking off to the forest but stopped when she passed Legolas. You know I think you are really cool, my favorite character almost, she said, flirtatiously batting her eyelashes. Audrey noticed that someone was putting the moves on elf. She immediately jumped in between the two and growled menacingly. Well, it's been a joy seeing you, Caryn, but I am afraid you must be going, lots of things for a busy student like you to do so goodbye, adios, farewell and don't let the door hit you on your way out. At this Audrey all but shoved Caryn out of the clearing and calmly walked over to where Anna was standing. Nobody touches my elf.   
  
Anna sighed, Right, your' elf. How many people are you planning on randomly bringing in to this story?  
  
Oh, I don't know, said Audrey, Well, at least one more, Yanyan and possibly Amie because she has been bugging me and maybe Christy but only if she gets to fight someone.  
  
Ok, well don't let it get out of control. said Anna worriedly.  
  
I wouldn't dream of it. said Audrey, crossing her fingers behind her back and grinning maliciously.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Row, row, row, your boat. Now you come in, Pippin.  
  
Gently down the stream, Pippin sang incredibly off-key.  
  
Now Anna, said Audrey, waving her hands around like she was conducting an orchestra.  
  
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaam.  
  
All of the Hobbits applauded their impromptu concert. Can I sing now? asked Sam.  
  
Of course, Sam. said Anna. What should we sing? she asked Audrey.  
  
We could sing Black Socks'. That is a good walking song for going nowhere in particular.  
  
We are NOT going nowhere in particular. said Aragorn who had been listening to their conversation. We are going to Mordor.  
  
muttered Audrey under her breath, but not all of us are going to get there.  
  
What do you mean by that? Legolas asked, slowing his pace so he could walk next to Audrey and stare at her inquisitively.  
  
hissed Anna, It would REALLY screw up the plot line if you tell them what is going to happen.  
  
I know that, Audrey hissed back, No one was supposed to hear what I said. Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on a certain hot elf's above average hearing abilities.  
  
The entire fellowship could easily hear what the two were saying and decided that this issue was pressing enough to stop walking for a moment or two. You know the future? said Gandalf.   
  
The hobbits clustered near Aragorn and looked frightened and Frodo looked like a deer in the headlights. Gimli had an I-knew-it-all-along look on his face. Legolas just looked impassive and Borimir looked fidgety.  
  
Well, I don't think we should tell you. said Audrey. The damage to the plot line would most likely be irreversible. I wouldn't want to completely destroy the great and all-mighty professor Tolkien's work.  
  
But I feel so sorry for poor ol' Bori- mph Audrey had tackled Anna before she could say too much. No one should listen to anything she says. It is just a little joke, right, Anna? *glare*  
  
Right, just a joke, Anna said unconvincingly.  
  
Borimir looked panic stricken. She was going to say MY name! Something horrible is going to happen! The apocalypse is upon us! Repent your sins! He then started running around in circles like a chicken with it's head cut off.  
  
Can't you do something about this? Anna asked Audrey, gesturing at Borimir.  
  
Audrey said. She snapped her fingers and Borimir stopped running, everyone was back in the line they had been in and no important information regarding the outcome of certain unnamed pincushions had been spilled. Audrey asked.  
  
Much better. said Anna surveying the fellowship that was back to normal, well maybe not completely, but, well, as normal as it had been before Audrey had blabbed.  
  
What can we sing now? asked Frodo.  
  
Audrey and Anna replied by way of bursting into song.  
  
Black socks they never get dirty.  
The longer you wear them the stronger they get  
Sometimes I think I should wash them  
But something inside me keeps saying not yet, not yet, not yet.  
  
After quite a few rounds of Black Socks' the Hobbits got bored so Audrey pulled out a couple of pieces of bubble wrap to keep them entertained, much to the annoyance of the more mature members of the fellowship. After which they continued on their merry way.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well tada, there is chapter 4. Go me! I certainly hope you enjoyed it. Oh yes and I don't own Caryn, not at all. And if you would like to make a brief *glares at Yanyan* appearance leave a review as a bribe and I will probably stick you in somewhere. If you don't want yourself portrayed in a way you wouldn't like, make sure to describe how you want yourself to appear in the story.


	5. Generic Time, a Mary-Sue Test and Fun wi...

It Always Works in the Fanfics  
  
Author: Luimenel  
  
Author's Note: Hmmmm, I'm running out of witty and entertaining things to say in these so let's move on.  
  
Disclaimer: Also running out of witty and entertaining things to say here, so howabout we just go with: Not mine, don't sue.  
  
Generic Time, a Mary-SueTest and Fun with Metaphors  
  
The Fellowship plus Audrey and Anna was continuing on their merry way and, through the magic of skipping boring and redundant parts, were approaching the Misty Mountains.  
  
The long journey was beginning to show on the group and Audrey was getting bored. The Hobbits were still entertained as long as she handed them bubble wrap every now and then and Anna was just going along with it because it is a good idea to just agree with people like Audrey. Nevertheless, Audrey was still bored.  
  
Night was falling, metaphorically speaking, of course, because night couldn't actually fall, unless, of course, there was a person named and he went up to a high place and...(Charlie: You're rambling. Why don't you just move on now?) It was getting dark (Charlie: Muuuuuch better) and Audrey sat down to watch her very favorite fellowship unpack sleeping rolls and cooking utensils for the night. Just like she had for the past...however long it had been. She let out a gusty sigh and slumped on her stump.  
  
Anna picked up on her friend's boredom and walked over to see if she could help. So, where are you planning on having this story go? Or are we just going to continue on and on and on?  
  
Audrey looked up and blinked owlishly.  
  
Why owlishly? Anna asked.  
  
I like owls and it was a metaphor, I'm having way too much fun with them. Actually, that was an implied metaphor, sorta. Oooh Ms. Kalamaras would be so proud!  
  
Anna shuddered like Jell-O at the mention of the EEEEEEVIL english teacher who analyzes all pieces of literature to DEATH! she continued, Where is all this going?  
  
Audrey blinked again, this time more turtle-ish-ly. I hadn't really thought that far ahead.  
  
Anna looked thoughtful like a duck(Charlie: It's probably best not to ask.) and said, You could have Legolas fall in love with you. Oh Oh! No, wait! You could have Aragorn fall in love with me!  
  
Audrey skipped the blink and sat bolt upright. A Mary-Sue!? Are you crazy?! I could get flamed! Or... well, flamed is really all they could do to me. But I do have my pride. She struck a noble pose.   
  
Anna looked skeptical like a...um....grey squirrel. Do you, really?  
  
said Audrey, But, GASP! What if I am subconsciously turning this into a Mary-Sue just for my own fiendish purposes? We had better do some tests, or who knows where this could go. Come on! Audrey grabbed Anna by the shirt collar and dragged her off to the fellowship, who were still quite busy making camp.   
  
I'm sorry to announce that your evening unpackings and whatever will be interrupted. This is only a test. Audrey then scuttled over to her backpack like a hedgehog (Luimenel: hehe, hedgehog) and pulled out numerous pieces of printer paper, then a printer, then a computer. She plunked herself down like a...plunking thing and searched for Mary-Sue in a generic search engine that she most definitely didn't own or make money from mentioning.  
  
The Fellowship, knowing it was useless to ignore Audrey because she would just get mad, and Audrey mad is not a pretty sight. Anna plunked right next to Aragorn, like another plunking thing but a little more plunky than Audrey.  
  
After a while, (Luimenel: Don't you just love generic spans of time?) the fellowship and Anna had fallen asleep but Audrey was busy as a caterpillar clicking away at the keys. Finally she hit the print button satisfied with what she had accomplished. She turned around with her eyes lit up like lightbulbs and was about to say something to the fellowship when she realized they were all asleep. She pouted, then looked thoughtful then devious and mischievous and a couple other things that end in that I can't think of now.  
  
she shrieked still grinning, A whole swarm of fangirls and they're all coming to get you!  
  
The entire fellowship jumped up with their hands at their weapons and peered into the darkness that it had gotten. Gimli and Gandalf were a little less nervous because there are no Gimli or Gandalf rabid fangirls that I have come across so far.  
  
Before they could regain their composure, Audrey was handing out pieces of paper to everyone in the fellowship, who all blinked owlishly. Once everyone had one she returned to the center of the clearing and began her speech.  
  
Hello, you have been chosen to take part in the Are Audrey and Anna Turning into Mary Sue's survey. You each hold in your hand your own test. Number two pencils only.- at which point number two pencils appeared in everyone's hands   
  
The Fellowship blinked owlishly, again.  
  
Now, please. Audrey managed to growl, even though she was being polite and saying .  
  
Pippin looked confused and poked Frodo. What's a Mary-Sue? he asked puzzled-ly.  
  
Frodo thought for a little while and then said, I think a Mary-Sue is like a fangirl, only with special powers.  
  
Pippin pointed at Audrey. Like her?  
  
No, she's a fangirl with an author's license, that's even worse.  
  
How could it be worse? asked Pippin.  
  
Fangirl authors have control over Mary-Sues.  
  
Audrey, noticing that people were not focusing on the survey she had worked so hard to concoct and sent one of her better death glares in their direction.  
  
Pippin and Frodo hurriedly returned to filling out their surveys like, like, ummmmm daffodils. Yes, daffodils Bwahahahaha!   
  
After another generic span of time, let's say, more than five minutes, less than five days, Audrey strutted down the row of furiously writing fellowship members.   
  
Are you done yet? she asked.  
  
Well, actually, said Sam, I just have one more-  
  
Oh, wonderful! said Audrey, Pass your tests forward please.  
  
Once Audrey had all of the tests she grabbed Anna by the shirt collar, again, and dragged her over to the original stump she had been sitting on a generic amount of time ago. Anna sat down on a rock next to the stump Audrey had been and now was sitting on. Audrey was mumbling to herself like a water purifier.  
  
asked Anna, Are we turning into Mary-Sues?  
  
exalted Audrey, not a single one of them identifies either of our smiles with the words radiant' gorgeous' or breath-taking'. They have no desire whatsoever to recite love poetry to us and the first words that come to their mind when they hear us sing are loud' crude' and obnoxious'. If we got injured they say they would most certainly NOT stop their quest to help us and would just leave us somewhere without even trail rations!  
  
And this is good? asked Anna, looking rather saddened.  
  
Oh yes, said Audrey, nodding vigorously, it means we aren't Mary-Sues and also, this has kept me entertained for a rather substantial chunk of generic time.  
  
Author's Note: Yes, it was short. This was the shortest one I've written so far but I think I enjoyed writing it the most. I am also very proud of myself for updating before leaving for camp again. Go me!


End file.
